The court will look at the custody, visitation, and child support clauses
of your divorce agreement with the most scrutiny, because your children
are more important than property or money. As parents, of course you want
to look out for your children's best interest.
Some states will distinguish between legal and physical custody.
Legal custody involves the decisions made about childrearing.
These decisions might include religion, education, discipline, and the
general well-being of your children. Joint legal custody gives
both parents the ability to make major childrearing decisions, while sole
legal custody allocates those major decisions to one parent. Usually,
no matter which choice you make, the parent who is caring for the child
will make basic day-to-day decisions. Each state may say different things
about this, and you should look more specifically to your state's laws.
Who has physical custody will determine which parent the
child will physically live with. When parents have joint physical custody,
this means the child will reside with each parent for a substantial part
of the year. The legal definition of joint physical custody doesn't always
have to mean a 50/50 parenting arrangement, but it varies slightly from
state-to-state. It could be a certain percentage of the year (such as
35%) or a certain number of days (or overnight visits) spent with each
parent. When one parent has sole physical custody, the children
will live primarily with one parent, but they may have visitation with
the non-custodial parent. You can decide on any visitation schedule you'd
like. If you're unable to decide, the court usually has standard visitation
schedules they may go by, using different schedules for different age
groups.
Experts have different opinions about whether joint or sole physical custody
is best, and there are literally dozens of books written on the subject.
It's rarely denied that having both parents play an active role in a child's
life would be in the child's best interest, provided each parent encourages
the child's social, emotional, physical, and moral well-being. However,
many people feel that constantly moving back and forth between houses
can be disruptive to the child's development. Somewhere you have to find
that balance that works best for your family. For some excellent articles
on parenting together after your divorce, please see Divorce
and Children.com.
You might find it a good idea to write out a parenting
plan outlining the responsibilities and privileges each parent will
have with the child. In some states, a specific parenting plan is required.
The goal you should keep in mind when writing your plan is to allow for
effective communication with your spouse, and encourage a close relationship
between your children and their other parent. If you feel that your spouse
poses a danger to your children's health, safety, emotional, or moral
well-being, then these are issues that should be addressed with a lawyer,
mediator, and/or counselor. If there has been any abuse, you should seek
help immediately.
Otherwise, the divorce is between you and your spouse, not your kids.
Your kids aren't divorcing your spouse, so they should be able to feel
like they still can count on both parents. You should always avoid putting
your kids in the middle of your relationship troubles, if at all possible.
If you can minimize conflict between you and the other parent, it's usually
best for everyone.
